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Drugs [11 Apr 2007|09:01pm]
One day in 2005 (or so), Steven's mom and Grandma decided that they thought Steven was a drug user. Later, Steven's mom started realizing that his wallet was growing thicker, and began to speculate that Steven was also a drug dealer.

They have continually asked Steven since then if he is on drugs, and if he deals drugs. Chris, Ryan, and Steven mess with the gullible adults by always agreeing and saying "Yes, Steven is high right now." Now, whenever Chris and Steven hang out and Steven's mom asks "What are y'all doing," the automatic response is "Going for a deal" or "Smokin' a doobie."

Chris made this bag and left it on Steven's desk for his mom to find, and when Steven found it, he hung it on his wall:

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The Best of Grandma Quotes [18 Jul 2006|10:45pm]
"What in the world?"

"The undertoe's gonna getcha!"

"Jack Frost is gonna bite your toes off if you don't cover up!"

"You boys want somethin' to eat?"
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Good Times LJ [17 Jul 2006|09:13pm]
Just a note:

This LJ was first posted to Today, on July 17. All things posted before today are backdated. Consequently, most dates before today are approximate. Most dates before 2004 are VERY rough, up to a year or two off in some cases.
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Talking About Josh [04 Jul 2005|11:03pm]
Chris, Ryan, Steven, and Chad talked insultingly about Josh right in front of him all the time, and he was oblivious to it all.
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David's Translator [04 Jul 2005|10:47pm]
David Cannon mumbles so badly that his wife literally has to translate for him a lot of times.
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Ninja Moves and The Josh Experiment [04 Jul 2005|12:49am]
Every year, but this year especially, everyone's goal was to keep away from Josh. Chris, Ryan, Chad, and Steven would use ultra stealth ninja moves to do so.

They actually devised an experiment to determine who he follows most. All four of them and Jost went for a walk. Without saying a word, Chad and Steven split off in one direction, and Chris and Ryan went in another. Josh followed the latter group. Chris and Ryan then split apart, and Josh went with Ryan.

Consistent with our experiment's results, Josh put magnets on his earlobes to look like earrings, probably due to the fact that Ryan got his ears pierced.
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Steven's First Lie: A Story of Failure [29 Jun 2005|01:00am]
Steven was at Ghandi's house, and Ghandi lived very close to Steven's new girlfriend, Ali. Ghandi assisted Steven in climbing out his window at around 1:00 A.M. Steven went out to see his new girlfriend alone, in the middle of the street. They made out for the first time (the first time Steven ever made out), and needless to say it was amazing. Steven came back to Ghandi at almost 3:00 A.M., and gave him all the juicy details.

The next day, Steven's mom called him into the laundry room and asked him if he had gone out to see Ali the night before. Steven obviously said "no." His mom quickly retorted, "Why is there makeup all over this shirt (holds up white Steevven1.com shirt)?" Steven promptly told the truth, and his first lie failed miserably. He lost a lot of trust that day.

And he learned that he should do his own laundry.
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Cum Guzzling Queen [01 Feb 2005|10:51pm]
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Drunken Steven? [01 Jan 2005|10:00am]
It was New Year's morning, so Chris, Steven, and Ryan were all very tired. Chris and Ryan woke up, but Steven continued to slumber. Chris walked outside to obtain a beverage to quench his thirst, when Grandma asked "Where's Steven?" Chris was going to use the usual "He's high on drugs," but decided to say "He's passed out drunk in my room." Grandma became instantly paranoid and asked "WHAT?" Chris realized that he had her hooked on this fake story, and went with it. He added further details, such as "Yeah, that's why he's lying next to the bathroom; he was throwing up all night."

Within 20 minutes, the ENTIRE family unquestionably believed that Steven was drunk, yet nobody bothered to confirm it or check up on him, despite the fact that Steven had a spotless record concerning drugs and alcohol, and was the least likely to be drunk.

Chris came into the room, woke Steven up, and explained the joke he played. Steven played along and acted like he had a terrible headache. After a while of fun, Chris and Steven told Grandma the truth.

The funny thing is, nobody knows which story she believed.
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"FUCKIN' STOP!!!" [15 Jun 2004|11:59pm]
One day, Chris, Ryan, Steven, and Chad were having their annual sand war way out on the sandbar. Ryan was being a complete dick like usual, and the Steven/Chad team was losing, as tradition dictates. Ryan was pummeling Steven with soggy sand, and Steven was begging for him to stop. Ryan hit Steven directly in the eye, and Steven burst into tears and exclaimed, "FUCKIN' STOP!!!"

Ryan stopped, and began celebrating, because Steven had finally said "fuck."
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Tiffany's Secret [15 Jun 2004|10:49pm]
Steven, Chris, and Ryan were using Tiffany's laptop in Tybee, and they found a MASSIVE collection of very specifically organized pornography.

She denied that it was hers, but failed to provide an alternative explanation.
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Garrett/Tyler Battle [15 Jun 2004|12:29am]
Background Info: Garrett and Tyler are our very annoying cousins.

Steven, Ryan, and Chris were chillin' in the ocean at Tybee, and Tyler and Garrett were playfully talkin' "hard" to one another. One of them jokingly said "I'm gonna punch you," when Chris and Ryan came over and said "You won't. Do it." At this time, jokes turned to evil. Garrett and Tyler began to physically fight; punching, dunking, and girl-scratching.

It was intense.

Ryan and Chris thought they were going to get in trouble for it, but their parents reprimanded the two fighters, and never said a word to Ryan or Chris. Hehehe.
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The Meatball Murderer [15 Jun 2003|09:56pm]
This story is perhaps the most legendary of them all.

One day, Ghandi and Steven were at Steven's dad's house alone. They had just woken up (in the middle of the day; it was summer). Steven picked up the phone to call his dad, but without his knowledge or a ring, Chris was simultaneously calling Steven, so when Steven picked up the phone and hit "Talk" to dial, Chris was on the line. Chris said, in a raspy, foreign-sounding voice, "You want spaghetti and meatball?" Steven, expecting only a dial tone, freaked out, and said "What?" Chris repeated his odd question, and Steven screamed "OH MY GOSH!!!!111" and hung up immediately.

Steven, thinking fast, concluded that there was danger. He locked his already-closed door, turned to Ghandi, and explained, "There is a murderer in the house. He has cut the phone lines, and there are armed gunmen in the front yard waiting to kill us." Steven opened up his window and commanded Ghandi to exit through it. Scared for their lives, the two friends, wearing only underwear, ran through the backyards of neighbors at warp speed, down to the house of an old woman whom neither of the boys knew. They pounded on her sliding glass door, screaming for her to open up, explaining frantically about the murderer. She said calmly "Come arouond front, boys." Steven tried to explain about the gunmen out front, but the old woman just wouldn't listen. Carefully and speedily, the boys ran inside, never looking back to confirm the gunmen hypothesis. Still fearing for their lives, they asked to use the woman's phone, and Steven called his dad, as he had planned to before, this time with crazy news. Steven's dad calmed him down, and the boys, still wearing only underwear, went outside to confirm the gunmens' presence. To their astonishment, no gunmen were present.

Steven apologized to the old woman for his overrreaction , but oddly, she reassured him that children from the neighborhood frquently visit her house with similar emergencies.

Moral: Remember, "Do you want spaghetti and meatball?" ALWAYS translates directly to "I AM IN YOUR HOUSE. I HAVE CUT THE PHONE LINES. I WILL KILL YOU. YOU CANNOT ESCAPE BECAUSE I HAVE GUNMEN POSTED IN YOUR FRONT YARD."
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Steven and Chad's Greatest Hits [15 Jul 2000|11:27pm]
Steven and Chad's first, and sadly only, "hit" album. Beautiful.

01. Eiffel 65 - Move Your Body (Steven)
02. Britney Spears - Baby One More Time (Chad)
03. Britney Spears - Don't Go Knockin' On My Door (Steven & Chad)
04. Smash Mouth - All Star (Steven & Chad)
05. Eiffel 65 - Blue (Steven & Chad)
06. Christina Aguilera - Genie In A Bottle (Steven & Chad)
07. Eiffel 65 - My Console (Steven)
08. Britney Spears - Oops I Did It Again (Steven & Chad)
09. Lenny Kravitz - American Woman (Steven & Chad)
10. Matchbox Twenty - 3 A.M. (Steven)
11. B52's - Love Shack (Steven & Chad)
12. Lenny Kravitz - Fly Away (Steven & Chad)
13. Britney Spears - Don't Go Knockin' On My Door (Britney Spears)

(Video and Audio coming soon)
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"I eat slow!" [31 Dec 1998|09:44pm]
The family was eating at Bennigan's one evening, and Steven's supersized plate of extra-tasty ribs (full rack) arrived minutes earlier than everyone else's food. Steven, being a young, stout lad who hadn't quite learned his manners yet, began chowing down on his succulent meat. Once everyone else had recieved their meals, they looked over at Steven, and to his surprise, his plate was empty. Everyone stared at him, jaws dropped, and Steven looked up with a smile needy of toothpicks, and exclaimed, "I eat slow!"
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"I need it..." [01 Jul 1998|10:12pm]
Fat Steven used to exclaim "I neeeeed ice cream!" but this didn't sit too well with semantics-obsessed Chris. Chris would always correct him, saying, "You don't need it, you want it," at which time, Steven, with a very serious look on his face and an ice-cream-stained mouth, would fire back with "No; I NEED it...."
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"Mommmmm....." [31 Dec 1997|09:01pm]
Note for emphasis: Steven was probably about 7 or 8 years old at this time.

One evening, Chris and Ryan were lounging in Steven's room. Steven found his way to the bathroom, and stayed in there crappin' and just chillin' for about an hour, as usual. All of a sudden, Chris and Ryan heard a disturbing chant eminating from the bathroom. "Moommmmmmmm....Come wipe my buttt......." At which time, disturbing as it may seem, Steven's mom would actually, and promptly, come to aid him in the wiping...of his own butt.
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Racking Ryan's Balls [01 Jul 1997|11:55pm]
Chris and Ryan positioned their trampoline under the large tree that once towered several feet above their heads. They would jump as high as they could and latch onto the brach above. Then, as they were both suspended deathly high from the trampoline, they would count to 3, then let go and plummet down to the trampoline mat. One person would simply land, and the weight from their body would help to rocket the other person high up. One day when Chris and Ryan were doing this activity, Chris hit the mat first and launced Ryan skyward. Chris layed on the mat with his knees up watching Ryan soar through the air. But Ryan quickly came pummeling downward toward the mat and toward Chris. And then...it happened...a direct hit! Chris's knee straight to Ryan's nice, big, sweet, juicy balls. The pain was so much that Ryan did not cry, he simply laughed in pain as he rolled around on the trampoline mat.
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Tekken: Trampoline Edition [01 Jul 1997|11:11pm]
Classic trampoline battle game.

Ryan, Chris, and Steven played regularly, and 1 other kid named Johnny played occasionally.

3-way battles between Steven, Chris, and Ryan, which were largely nonviolent; not too "rambunctious."

Steven
Animal: N/A
Color: Yellow
Moves: High Dart, Low Dart, Dart Kick, Defense Curl

Ryan
Animal: Dolphin
Color: Blue
Moves: Beak Poke, Tail Slap

Chris
Animal: Jaguar
Color: Green
Moves: Bite, Slash, Nut Slash

Johnny
Animal: Dragon
Color: Red
Moves: Fire Breath, Wing Attack
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Stewart [01 Jul 1997|09:55pm]
At one point Chris, Ryan, and Steven were obsessed with "Stewart" from MadTV, so they imitated him...ALL THE TIME.


"Nooooooooo!"


"Lemme do it!"


Chris in his dark place
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